The Brothers

Like my good friend Ben I have finally joined the exclusive club of people who have actually read "The Brothers Karamazov" from start to finish.

And would you like to know what I've taken away from what some people call the greatest novel ever written?

1) It sucks to live in Russia
2) Rich people are mean to poor people
3) Authors should never be paid by the word or they turn out stuff like this.

Now, I understand that the entire literary world has not been duped, and it is I, not the world, who doesn't understand the merits of this book. I would like to compliment the author for producing something way way way the frick over my head.

But to us common folk (who don't like reading 50 pages of fictional memoirs of a fictional priest, who was only a side character character mentioned only because he at one time encountered the main character, who doesn't really SEEM to be the main character but really is only the little brother of the character that is involved in the murder trial which is the ONLY significant event in the 800 page book) this great work of literature might seem a bit wordy.

I've decided that from now on I am going to stop reading "classics" just because they make me feel smart. If I really want to feel smart I'll play Jeopardy with a ninth grader.

For the rest of you I have decided to sum up this 342,000 word novel into a blog-post so you can all feel smart for reading it too. Perhaps some day in the future we will all be able to have books "tweeted" at us, but until then you have the dangerzone.

The Brothers Karamazov, all the good parts.

There were once three brothers who had a dad who was a really big jerk. One of them was studying with the priests. Poor people and rich people are different and rich people from the army can do whatever they want. Some dude wants to sell a forest, another guy gets pulled around by his beard, vodka is plentiful, and people can fall in and out of love multiple times in one week. The oldest son and the dad like the same girl, but she doesn't really like either of them. It's possible to spend 1,500 roubles partying in one night in Russia. A guy gets murdered and his son gets blamed for it. Because forensic science does not exist in the past the crime is unsolvable despite the presence of the murder weapon, fingerprints, etc... Then some guys talk a lot about the nature of blagh blagh blagh and then some guy is delusional and then a girl ruins everything by becoming hysterical and a dude goes to prison. Also, a boy loses his dog.

I hope this helps to enlighten you.

On the Road

Hey friends

So I'm sorry it's been so long. I know you've all been annoyed with my hiatus. I think that I lose a reader every time I go a week without blogging. that means that at this point I think I'm at negative five.

1) My mom got married
2) I'm in chicago
3) I'm going to New Jersey this weekend

It's been a little hectic. Sorry. I'll blog again...some day.

Cort and I are getting married July 17th 2010 in Chicago. You are all invited. I feel like it's safe to say that becuase the 8 people who read this blog were probably going to be invited anyway. And AJ in Nashville. If you really want to come you can, but I'll understand if you're busy.

Patience is a Virtue

I think most people would agree that patience is good. And I think that a lot of people would agree you should work towards building up character. But I very rarely meet anyone who intentionally tries to become more patient. Why?

Because BECOMING patient is boring. BEING patient however, is amazing. Frustration, anger, boredom, irritability, hasty words, and bad decision making can (emphasis on can) be symptoms of impatience.

Building patience, however, is anti American because it isn't requires you not getting to do what you want, and it isn't productive. Also, it's counter intuitive.

So the other day I decided to build my patience. I drove 5 miles under the speed limit for four hours straight this Sunday. This might horrify you, but if you do the math it comes out to costing me 20 minutes of my life.

Twenty minutes that might have been spent surfing the Internet, napping, watching TV, having pointless phone conversations, eating a snack, playing a video game, or writing on a blog. It's also twenty minutes that could have been put to good use, but lets be honest, I don't put much of my time to good use unless forced to.

Our culture is one of instant gratification. Imagine this. You can understand how sometimes rich people are more greedy with their money. Having a lot of something and reaping its rewards might make you cling to it harder. We are the fastest civilization that has ever existed. Cell phones, the Internet...the Internet ON cell phones...fast food, time saving/multitasking devices...all of these things make us think that NOW is good and later is bad, and we DESERVE now.

I'm not here to tell you that the sky is falling or that cell phones are contributing to the gradual disintegration of society as we know it. That's the sort of argument that should be made by somebody with FACTS! I offer only conjecture.

So do a little conjecturing of your own. Drive 60 on the interstate for thirty minutes. You'll feel like a slow idiot, but it will only take 2.5 minutes out of your life.** Then think real hard about all the things you would probably have spent 2.5 minutes on. I bet you spend the 32.5 minutes thinking a litte bit about the nature of patience and why we selfishly covet even the smallest increments of our time.

I think it would be a 2.5 minutes well spent. And if the drivers behind you get angry at you for the seconds it costs them, perhaps you'll wish that others were more patient too.

Ambulance drivers should not be patient. They can disregard this post, just like I know everyone else will.


*The Irony

**Probably a little bit more, assuming you were going to drive over the speed limit.

A basic question

So, I've been taught two things about God. They don't seem to add up. As we all know, sometimes things that seem mutually exclusive can be true about God becaue he's just that smart. But I'm going to take a look at this anyway because it's something I've been thinking about lately.

1) Is the chief purpose of our lives to go out into the world, making disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit? Are we here to build God's kingdom? Are we on a mission? Are we harvesters in the field?

OR

2) Is the cheif end of man to know and enjoy God?* The Bible is a story of God pursuing us, and our only aim is to know Him better. As we are drawn into a more intimate relationship with him we are transformed, and all else preceeds as a natural outflow of that relationship.


Now, it's pretty popular to write a book that says our purpose is soley to know God. Thank you John Piper and Larry Crabb.** It's also very popular to appeal to our sense of being on "A mission from God" when we are speaking from the pulpit and trying to convince Christians "on the fence" that it's time to do "x, y, or z."

I tried the first one out for most of my life, and recently decided I thought there was more truth in the second approach. This decision was reached when I realized that enjoying God as the purpose of life was much more sustainable and do-able, or as Dr. Mark Cosgrove would say less "exestentially repugnant."

But I try to be cautious any time I come across a new approach to God that makes me feel better and that life is easier than I thought. Why? Not becuase I think God hates me, but becuase I understand that the Christian life isn't inherrently a call to feel good and take it easy.

So I've been trying to decide. If I had a face to face conversation with God*** would I feel unbelievably relieved that He had the situation at hand (like a 5 year old who found out he doesn't have to make enough money at his lemonade stand to support the family when he thinks his dady might get laid off), or will I be a bit ashamed when I begin to realize the mantle of responsability that has been laid on me and how I've not been paying enough attention to it?

BOTH you say? Well you have a high tolerence for ambiguity. And when dealing with God that's a really good thing. I agree with you, it's both. But dang, we make a lot of decisions, preach a lot of sermons and feel a lot of anxiety/relief based on which frame of reference we are opperating out of at the time. I suggest we try to be aware of that.

*Heidelberg Catechism
**I liked these books, I'm just saying
***And was not blasted to freaking smithereens by his refulgent glory

An Engaging Story

Hello Blogaholics

You may have noticed that I've been away for a while. Well believe it or not I've been a bit busy. "With what?" you might ask. Well I'd be delighted to tell you. It SEEMS that despite all odds I have finally convinced a beautiful woman to marry me.

Yes it's true. I didn't want anyone to find out over the Internet but since writing on my blog is like shouting in outer space I figured that I couldn't do much damage.

But anyway yes. On June 19th I asked Cortney Michelle Korshak if she would be my wife and after she finished crying she said "yes." She even agreed to it before she stopped and looked at the ring. That's how you know she means it.

I would like to say "Thank You" to everyone who knew ahead of time** and helped to keep it a secret. And I would also like to say thank you to our friends who drove to Fort Wayne to celebrate with us.

Cortney and I have both been blessed with amazing friends and the love that her and I share is only possible because of the love that has been lavished on us by God, our families, and our friends. When congratulated by my life-long room-mate and friend, Jordan Beck, I said "I couldn't have done it without you." And as cheesy as that sounds (and is) I do believe that it's true. Cortney and I were helped along the way by many, and we hope that never changes.

I've spent the last few days feeling mighty pleased with myself, since I've now got a fiancee who is: committed to God, committed to the idea of marriage, a good friend, a fun companion, my biggest fan, a leader by example, a teacher, loving and kind, and a smoking hottie.

I would have had pictures, but the afore mentioned fiancee often forgets to upload pictures to computers before going back to Chicago. Maybe after she reads this blog post she will e-mail me a few.

And now I'm done bragging. Although I am still very smug and pleased with myself, I will tomorrow return you to your regularly scheduled blog.


*For all the world to hear, if anyone is there.
** Almost everyone I knew

Stuff girls Like VI: Hating their hair

Now I've never been a woman. Not even once. But I've been related to several of them and I've gone to school with many many more. I've even dated some. And I've learned something. Girls (not necessarily women) are in a near constant state of wanting their hair to be in some way different from what it is.

The most notable example for this observation comes in the form of length. Girls will spend literally an entire year growing their hair longer, complaining all the time that they have split ends but not daring to get it cut because that would just prolong the process of obtaining the ultimate goal: long hair.

This long hair is often times considered beautiful by men and women alike but is reportedly inconvenient to girls. So after spending a year growing it out girls will decide "It's time for a change."

Fortunately for girls they have figured out a way to avoid the midlife crisis by channeling all that need for excitement and change into attacking their hair. The imagine that cutting off the foot of hair they have spent a year cultivating will bring about a shocking transformation in their life that no one will fail to notice and appreciate.

Despite the fact that every girl does this like clockwork it is the responsibility of every other individual to act completely surprised. "Oh dear goodness what have you done with all your hair? It's so short...its so....CUTE!"

An instant boost of confidence follows the cutting of the hair because it says "I'm bold, I'm out there, I'm unpredictable, and above all, I'm cute." But this temporary high lasts only as long as it takes for said girl to see a picture of herself when she had long hair.

"Oh I miss my hair, why did I cut it all off?"

And so the cycle continues; or as we would say in the hair world. Lather rinse repeat.

For girls the search for the perfect hair is continuous quest that is never satisfied. However it is the job of men to pretend that the quest for perfect hair is in the constant state of total fulfillment.

"Your hair is so long/short, it's completely perfect!"

Twitter

Recently some of my aquaintences have encouraged me to get Twitter because it's "cool." For those of you who do not know what Twitter is please let me fill you in on something you can NOT miss out on for even one more second.

Twitter is to blog as text message is to E-mail.

That's right. Instead of writing anything of substantive thought one simply "tweets" sentence fragments to a website throughout the day so that people can check in on the minute details of your life without actually having to talk to you. FINALLY! Science a created something that has captured the best part of human relationships! I can now hear about the most boring and irrelevent details of a person's day without the cost of personal interaction!*

Or, if you are obsessed with some one like Ryan Seacrest you can find out what he's doing multiple times every day!**

But. I DESPERATELY need people to think that I'm cool so I decided to tweet my day away. Unfortunately, I couldn't afford a twitter*** so I had to "tweet" all my thoughts here at the dangerzone. I've been writing them down all day and now I'll share them with all of you. Please enjoy all the really important stuff I had to say all day.

10:23 AM: whoa, slept in 2day. good thing i don't have a job

11:02 I luv dino bites cereal. u think i can make $$$ marketing "lunch cereal," or "diner cereal." different flavors uv course, and professional boxes, so u could take it to work.

11:12 Shoot, I just missed 11:11

11:50 playing Halo n00bs!

2:14 Wonder's what it all means...?

4:29 OMG reading so much today. I think i need more friends

6:15 ate so many M&M's today. But I also 8 pb and j for dinner. So good. How about pb and J dinner cereal?

8:14 Luv U Cort!

9:51 "I'm just a notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song" ~ Fall Out Boy


11:13 DANG IT! Missed 11:11 again. Oh well. does anyone out there wanna hang out? Call me if you do.

11:14 Better yet don't call, just post on my facebook wall. It apears I've developed a social anxiety disorder.

11:36 wrote a blog post and was terribly pleased with myself.

*Now I'm just waiting for something pees on your floor and smells bad but wont play with you or guard the house. Then I'll never have to get a dog.

**This is not a joke. The link is real, click on it. Ryan Seacrest had a salmon salad tonight.

***It's free...I know that. It's a joke